The Top Ten Driving Tips

My human girl recently took something called Driver's Ed u ca shun. That means she gets to scare lots of people by driving a car. Sometimes it's on the road, and other times it's in a ditch. All this means that it's time to break out Pappa Bear's Top Ten Driving Tips list.

Enjoy.

1- If you are using a bluetooth, bring a toothbrush.

2- If listening to the radio while driving, Don't dance.

3- If eating beans, bring clothes pins, gas mask, and air freshener.

4- If feeling gassy, say at frequent intervals, "We must have passed a sewage plant!!!!"

5- Sit on enough books to see over the steering wheel.

6- Always wear driving gloves, even if you don't have hands.

7- Don't talk on a cell phone, just shout loudly to the person next to you.

8- Never drive on top of another car.

9- Cars can't fly.

10- Or climb trees.

11- Don't drive with your feet.

12- Only put the top down if your car is a convertable.

13- In addition to your turn signal, you could shout:

"I'M TURNING RIGHT!!!"

It's nearly CHRISTMAS!!!!

I have been such a busy bear lately. I know you, my adoring fans, have been missing me so badly, and I have to apologize. You may not realize this, but I a bear do not type my own blognesses, I have a staff that actually has fingers and they type for me, I tell them every word, every singlie itty bitty one and they use their own fingers and type them for me. My staff has been busy. bla bla bla bla bla. Whine whine. I have to Shop, Pappa Bear. Christmas is coming Pappa Bear. Human daughter's birthday is coming, Pappa Bear. I have to take a nap Pappa Bear. Stuff like that I would fire my staff, except who else would work for a stuffed bear for nothing? No one I might imagine.

So I am stuck with the worst staff in the world!!! poor poor Pappa bear. Send all complaints to her, not to me, a poor pitiful bear who is at the mercy of bad help.

So let me tell you this. I have been in my spare time, thinking up stuff to write. And I have come up with some really good lists and I will get my staff to type them in for you.

I love Christmas. Christmas means lots of things to lots of people. To Bears it means FOOOOOODDDDDD!!!!!! yum yum. just tonight my staff was making something I like to call CANDY!!! yum yum. My paws are all sticky from helping. To help, you sneak into the kitchen. Very quietly, you pull a chair over to where the human person is making candy. You make yourself invisible so that she doesn't say, "Get off the counter Pappa Bear" or "Don't climb on the stove Pappa Bear". You tipitoe over to the bowl or pot. You dust off your paw, and very very slowly and sneakily reach out and put your paw in the bowl. You snatch it back when the human person says "I see you Pappa Bear you are not invisible". But I really am. Then you climb back up because she has cruelly put you on the floor.

Well, my tummy is full of nice candy with red and green cherries and pecans, and nice toffee with almonds and chocolate . So I feel a nap coming on. Pretty soon, I will get my staff to type up another entry, entitled what bears get for Christmas or maybe, what Bears eat for Christmas....

Love,
your very best boss in the world and expert candy taster, Pappa Bear